The Twinkie Times

The life and times of a Chinese American. Born a Jersey boy, lived the expat life, attended boarding school (Lawrenceville), converted to a frat boy (Sigma Pi), got an MBA (Columbia), returned to China, and back to the East Coast now trying to carve out an identity and life as an Asian American dad (gulp) in the midst of a "tertial life crisis" ©

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Episode 4: Part II

*SPOILER ALERT* - watch Episode 4 above before reading on

Do the Right Thing

In the morning, we were back at the park for the Pit Start.  The first challenge was an intersection so we had to pair up with another team.  Luckily it was basketball and once Yelin told me that he plays every weekend, I knew this would be easy.  We had 6 minutes to finish an abbreviated round of H-O-R-S-E (technically H.O.R. since it was only 3 shots) and we could see several other teams waiting as they endured a penalty.  We started off strong and were making good time but then Jenn hit a snag on the free throw shot.  She was quite nervous and getting frustrated as she tried to use pure arm strength to muscle the ball to the rim.  Instead, I told her to try a granny shot and throw it underhand and she got a swish on her first try!  Last up was me and my adrenaline was going warp speed at this point like most of our local taxi drivers.  Anyone in our foursome could take the final 3-pointer and originally we had agreed Zhang Yelin would take it since he played basketball so frequently but after I drained the free throw, I felt like I had hot hands.  They did not show my first attempt which bounced off the rim but as soon as my second try left my fingers I knew it was good.  We ended up being the only team who completed that challenge on the first attempt and this gave us a much needed boost in confidence.

As we left the school, we got separated from the Fiancés and we did not know where they wandered off to.  We made it back to the main entrance and the road was deserted.  One taxi was waiting and we asked him to take us to the farm.  He said that the other couple had reserved him and told him to wait.  While Jenn and I considered our options, we ultimately decided to hike down the road to try to find another cab rather than being underhanded and steal their taxi.

"Hello Rope & Bamboo: We Meet Again"

Luckily about 10 minutes later we were able to flag down a passing taxi and we were on our way to make a scarecrow.  We arrived at the farm to a hectic scene.  The Twins were carrying this massive bamboo/straw body into the fields and a cool helicopter cam was whizzing around above us.  After my Episode 1 fiasco with tying knots on bamboo, I was determined to do this quickly.  Fortunately, this time we were able to work together and we quickly constructed our straw man making doubly sure that all the knots were extra secure.  After the race had concluded we heard about the taxi stealing incident and rightfully so, the BBQ Cousins and the Twins were very annoyed.  Either one of them would have almost certainly won this leg instead and we were disappointed to learn that Team Harvard would have stooped so low.  When we watched the show, we thought it was interesting how they justify that their victims could simply steal the next team's taxi.  Before Jennifer and I agreed to participate on the show, we had made a pact that we would not stab anyone in the back and we would NOT let the show make us contemptible.

Cabbie Catastrophe

  The Mo Mansion was massive but while we were searching the grounds Jenn luckily spotted one of the production assistants on the second floor.  We immediately found the staircase and then made our way to find the next clue.  We were still not completely recovered from the kimchee so we decided to do the Chess showdown.  About an hour later we were back at the farmlands from the Scarecrow task and the driver pulls into an abandoned warehouse.  This did not look right.  He steps out of the car and starts walking around.  We finally encounter an old grandma in her pajamas who looks like a Chinese Gloria Stuart (Rose) from the Titanic and he asks her for directions!?  Ok, this was definitely not good.  We start arguing with the driver and he tries to call 411 and then his dispatcher.  Incredibly, nobody knows where this Chess School is so we drive back into town.  We stop two other taxis and both of them also shrug their shoulders, take a puff on their cigarettes, and offer no help.  Finally, we pull up next to another taxi and we ask Dumb & Dumber if they know where the restaurant was for the other Detour.  They confer and acknowledge unconvincingly that they know how to get to the restaurant.  At this point we had wasted an hour and a half and we were out of options.  Thankfully he finds the restaurant and asks us if we want him to wait - yeah right!  I cannot remember if I paid him the full fare but I certainly hope not since he took us on a scenic tour of Pinghu and probably secured us a last-place finish.

"I would rather eat kimchee"

As expected, we were the last ones at the restaurant and so we had no idea what to expect.  The first part required patience and precision.  Unfortunately not a great combination for Jenn as these delicate duck eggs required us to gently crack the shells with soft taps from a chopstick.  While I was waiting for Jenn to finish her 5 eggs, I was chatting with the chef about these pungent delicacies.  He admitted that he did not like to eat them and then laughs as he tells me that usually one egg would last a family of 6 a full week as they slowly add small amounts to their congee.  Wonderful.

After Jenn's eggs passed inspection he scoops out one egg each for us.  The smell itself was revolting like an animal had died in a vat of cheap gin.  The egg itself looked like a ball of mozzarella cheese soaked in urine.  Before I bit into this horrible culinary monstrosity I dug out the aromatherapy clips that I had packed with us.  This was a new fad in Shanghai that had appeared recently and they made dispensers for energy, for calm, and for sleeping.  We had brought one of each just-in-case and this seemed like a perfect opportunity to try the "calming" one (right).

Although in the Episode it might look like I have boogers coming out of my nose, I assure you it was this Nasaroma clip in our desperate attempt to cover up the smell of these fermented alcoholic duck eggs.  For me, I poked a hole in the embryonic sac and essentially squeezed out all the contents into my mouth and then did my best to swallow it without chewing or tasting anything.  Unfortunately, it was a big egg and I had to bite into it and the disgusting combination of rice wine and salty yolk exploded in my mouth.  As my eyes were watering, I forced myself to swallow the soft salty slime.  Luckily I was done in two mouthfuls but Jenn took a different approach and tried to bite the egg itself.  This only prolonged her suffering and she had the added foulness of pulling the rubbery embryonic sac out of her mouth since it was too tough to chew.  She also ended up with some of the soupy mess on her plate so she had to shovel it into her mouth to finish the egg.  If given the choice, I would gladly eat another 1.5 kilos of kimchi versus seeing another one of these eggs ever again.

比伯高热 (Bieber Fever in Chinese)

Our final stop was an elementary school and when the Road Block says "Who can carry a tune?" we know it has to be me.  That is not saying much since I am pretty tone-deaf too but compared to Jenn, my one verse of Extreme's "More Than Words" that I can play on the guitar was light years ahead of her.  When we walked upstairs we were very surprised to see the Trainers still there and they tell us it took them two hours - whoa.  Upon entering the classroom, there were still quite a few teams there so I thought that maybe we still had a chance to recover from our earlier taxi delay and simultaneously I was also thinking that this challenge must be pretty hard.  After studying the teacher intently, I went over to the little girl judge and she promptly gives me a "No!".  No pointers or elaboration so I go back to the drawing board to perfect my pipa.  This time rather than relying on my useless ears, I focus on the notes (strings + struts) on the whiteboard and try to memorize them.  Jenn keeps telling me it sounds good so with a false sense of confidence I stroll over to the girl judge again and she rejects me.  My head (and stomach) were still swimming from the drunken duck egg so this time I write down the notes on my hand rather than relying on my fuzzy brain and luckily I play all the notes right - woohoo!  (16-14-17-12  16-14-16-17)

We were clearly the last team so we hung around the classroom a bit chatting with all the school-children.  They had been there all day sitting in that classroom so they were eager to ask about the show and learn more about us.  We posed for some pictures and it was Bieber-like to have a crowd of cheering girls seeing us off as we departed for the Pit Stop.

Jenn and I were ready to go home and supposedly it would have been just a quick cab ride away.  Our interview was quite long and Jenn goes into a long soliloquy about being tired mentally and physically and how she misses Calvin (dog) who was being boarded back home.  Allan says to us "sorry guys but you will have to stay to compete in another round" but the final edit is a strange choppy mash-up of his quotes.  I was still ready to fight on but Jenn was slowly losing interest in the crummy hotels, insufficient nutrition, and disorganization.  That night we treated ourselves to Pizza Hut for dinner thanks to our donation from Sophie the night before.
One of our favorite parts of this episode.  Sibling love. 

WORST Quote: "It diffuses the area in which it receives it" 

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why am I not surprised at all when the Harvard team steal the BBQ boys' taxi...they actually lied about not feeling well in order to get a cab to Pinghu. I believe there would be people willing to let them take the next cab, even if they were to be honest - i.e. they are in a race.

Perhaps Amazing Race should give a lesson about moral to these smart guys, who have no race-ethic at all.

Why are the BBQ boys given penalty of 30 minutes (for just misplacing their bags), but Harvard boys could just got away scot free by stealing their taxi? Wrong education. I became irritated to this show. I used to like it, but it doesn't make sense to give such a heavy penalty to the BBQ boys for a small, tiny little mistake.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Henry Su said...

Could not agree with you more. I also think that the win-at-all costs attitude should be condemned. Some people think it is clever and justified since you are competing in a race but I think that teams should act honorably.

1:52 AM  

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